Devious Journal Entry

What do you do when your dog dies?

she was my dog. I chose her. I raised her. I taught her and played with her and loved her. She was my dog. She died under a tire. Painfully. And dogs don't have souls. She didn't go to heaven. She just ended. And no one cares about her or her pain or her short life. What kind of comfort can you take from that? The memories are sour and I'll never see her again. Ever. Not even in heaven. And no one cares about your pain on top of all that. Oh your dog died? Boohoo get yourself together you're not focused on folding the fucking rack and it looks like shit just like the idea that a dog is worth your grief. Bull. 

What's the point? Why put animals here for our companionship if once they die, they don't exist anymore? Why throw loving breathing and emotional animals at us for understanding if they dont get to go on with us to heaven when we die? Who the hell decided that policy? It's fucking stupid. 

I I won't get to pet her again. I won't feel her warmth again. I won't look into her eyes again. She'll never lick my face again. Yeah for humans you have the comfort of heaven and that crap and with it you can get over their death knowing you'll see them again. But what about her?

i miss her so much. It's been five months and this grief hasn't progressed in any way for the better. My breathing only gets every time I fucking think about her and my pillow is always wet. I literally hack from sobbing and I can't even breathe or function from coughing. I'm crying myself to sleep most nights and wrting songs and poems about her her  and for what? She's never coming back, it brings no comfort, and no one fucking cares.

im trying so hard to get over her or find comfort somewhere but there is literally nothing. No advice can make me feel better and I hate it. 

Im sorry guys I just miss her so much.